![]() ![]() ![]() And all the invisible barriers separating me from the outside world collapsed. I looked into your eyes, and you looked into mine. You filled the air with pain and darkness. It felt like you were broken, little pieces crumbling away from your heart, until nothing was left. You were so sad, I felt it the moment you walked into the room. The house used to belong to your grandparents before they died, and now, with your dad gone and your mother out of work and drowning herself in alcohol, it was the only place you could go. You moved here when you were about five, after your father’s death. But I’m not ready to do that just yet, so I’m going to start at the beginning. But I know that I need to do this, not for you, but for me. I don’t know if I’ll be able to finish this letter, and even if I do, I seriously doubt that I’ll ever deliver it, that you’ll ever read it. God, this is hard, this is so much harder than I ever could have anticipated, so much harder than it should be. I wonder if, maybe, we could have been sharing an apartment at this very moment, if we had been open with each other, if we had been better people. ![]() Sometimes, late at night, I’ll lie in bed and wonder if, maybe, it could have gone differently. Still, it’s hard to believe that seventeen years have passed since. So long since we grew up together in this nowhere, nothing town, and thus became each other’s everything. So long since we fantasized about our futures together, golden dreams of life in the city, shops and restaurants and strong coffee, just like the grown-ups drank. It all seems so long ago, doesn’t it? So long since we were young girls, playing in your bedroom on rainy afternoons, foraging through the woods on sunny ones. ![]()
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